DC Comics: Promoting Anal Sex Since 1969

We are all aware, I’m sure, of the steamy rumors concerning Bruce Wayne and his ‘ward’, Dick Grayson, but they are, at most, just rumors – there is no concrete evidence supporting these claims.

We had no empirical evidence that our favorite cartoony-book house was promoting anal sex until recently, when they released the action-figure “The Weaponeer of Qward” from their latest spin-off, Crisis on Infinite Earths. I haven’t collected any comic books since I gave up on Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Hard Boiled, Lenore and Kid Eternity a decade or two ago, and DC never really held a huge interest for me past some of the grittier stuff Warren Ellis and Frank Miller did (did they actually work for DC at any time?) but I always thought the million different cross-overs and spin-offs were nothing but a horrible attempt to squeeze more money out of their customers by killing off clones of their favorite characters. That is until I saw this action figure. All of those spin-offs and cross-overs are completely worth it as long as it leads us to have a major, family friendly company release a figurine that looks exactly like what I would expect someone to look like after having a large and non-lubricated object shoved directly up their ass. The long-sleeves-and-hot-pants are bad enough, but coupled with the raver sunglasses, the rectal-pain induced squat and the look of complete, utter shock, there’s not really any other viable explanations short of a completely bat-shit art director.

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