Dirty, flesh-colored* wax shafts.

The 5 year old is fast becoming an artist lately. On top of almost continually sporting a grape juice mustache that would shame Dali, he now spends a lot of time with his ‘art cabinet’, a set of pull out drawers filled near to bursting with assorted crayons, markers, stamps, stickers, paints and other sundry implements a creative child could use to make wonderful and permanent alterations to furniture and carpeting.

He recently received a large box of crayons as a Christmas gift. The brand name is unknown but it appears that the mascot is a smiling and slightly surprised looking sun whose round mouth hides a built in crayon sharpener:

The box itself and smiling sun crayon eater
The box, featuring a rather shocked, smiling sun.

Nothing too wrong at first glance. Apparently Mr. Sun is simply amazed by the plethora of colorful wax sticks that have popped into frame below him. Also, he likes to eat them.

But look at what this innocent box becomes when a crayon is actually inserted into the sharpener!

ZOMFG! That doesn't look very nice!
Um… I must go bathe my eyes now.

This is not the face of a crayon eating sun who’s happily gorging himself on a surfeit of paraffin and pigment! No, there is something much more… deviant going on here!

For those of you who don’t see the obvious filth, or are just too puritanical to admit what’s blatantly staring them in their unmolested faces, I’ve made this handy animation using the latest in CompuServe’s Graphics Interchange Format:

Dirty nom!
Dirty Nom!**

I will let you judge for yourselves. I’m a little disgusted that this is marketed to children and have removed the offensive crayon box to my room where I will be making a lot of fine lined crayon drawings with the door closed.

*Flesh colors include standard offensive stereotypes plus Inside-Out Inuit (aka Scarlet Red), Radioactive Romanian (aka Sunset Orange) and Decomposing Djiboutian (aka Sage Green).

**Hand model provided by my Baby Cakes who yelled at me not to use her real name.

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