Asshole Driving Maneuvers Update (plus some unsolicited, opinionated ranting)

Ahh, winter is upon us which means that normally bad drivers who would normally cause little more than inconvenience and headaches now become completely brain dead drivers who can cause bodily harm. At the very least I live in a state that has rain or snow at least 80% of the year (the remaining 20% is a toss up between drought and tornado) so people have at least a small amount of experience driving in inclement weather.

The following are a few nice snapshots of ridiculously assholey people. Let’s start by ridiculing them before I get all ranty on mental illness and my own inherent evil.

This first schmuck, if it’s not apparent from the image, is parked directly between two gas pumps in his gigantic land yacht. There were cars on both sides waiting to gas up. His 40 gallon tank took about 20 minutes to fill, and he was still inside five minutes after that shopping for Skoal Bandits and looking for a ‘No Fear’ energy drink that no gas station manager in the country with a literacy level above third grade has stocked in about 8 years.

This douche, on a particularly cold night, while I was suffering the tail end of a viral infection, decided to take up several of the available spaces near the door of the grocery store. He’s continuing the long tradition of being an SUV driver who can’t park. Before another whining, conservative, self-righteous asshat decides to angrily comment on my post, I’d like ask them to spend their time instead raising money, perhaps through a bake sale or some kind of sponsored run, to bail out their Big Three, SUV producing car company so that my tax dollars aren’t being spent on supporting your ignorance and ego.

Anyway, hats off to these wankers.

…and now the preachy, self indulgent rant!

I would really like to know: how many people out there would actually do this? I don’t want responses from trolls who immediately admit to being jerks because it makes it look like they actually leave reddit once in a while and interact with other people, albeit through an obviously already lacking social compass. I really want to know how many people truly look at the above photos and wonder what I’m complaining about? If I pulled into a lot and noticed I was parked like this, I would move my damn car. If there was a line of cars waiting to fill up, I most certainly wouldn’t block the other pump. Are there really people this ego-maniacal and unaware? Are they sociopathic or just bitter? I’m not saying that this is a Big Deal, not in a world-wide, middle of a war, War-Criminal-President-raping-and-pillaging-the-country-on-his-way-out sense. I’m just observing behavior that, to me, is deviant from what I’ve been taught to believe is normal. If they are this emotionally unaware of their selfish behavior when parking, how do they treat their wives? Their employees?

On a side note, people have commented on how ‘wrong’ and ‘hurtful’ some of my angry rants have been.

I didn’t spray-paint naughty limericks on your house.

I didn’t call your mom and shout obscenities about you.

I wrote my opinion on my little blog and you came here and read it. If you want to comment, have at it. If you don’t like it, you may leave.

My opinions are neither guaranteed to be yours, nor are they even remotely important to most other people.

  • I finally saw the band 1984 in person. They were a blast and if it hadn’t been absolutely, wall-to-wall packed (and not at a small dive, either) I might have tried to buy them a beer and get a photo with them. Unfortunately I didn’t have the chance as they were too busy entertaining a great number of 80’s garbed girl groupies, most of whom were probably wearing Huggies in 1984. I still think that poster is hilarious, though.
  • If I were to meet a certain journalist in real life I would most likely be respectful and polite. I do agree with the comments that the tone of my rant was disrespectful and the message was unbelievably juvenile, and after the fact appears to be aimed at an innocent woman. I can barely read that particular piece without cringing. I was extremely angry about what I had thought was more of the same talentless, narcissistic bullshit that is called journalism lately and so I ranted. I’m not going to remove something because I changed my opinion – but hey, if someone cuts me off and I flip them the Salute of Shame, I don’t yell ‘Sorry’ when I see the pothole they were avoiding, so while I will admit I made a mistake, don’t expect me to apologize to anyone who may have come into my house and seen something they didn’t care for – even if it was wrong or in bad taste.

I’m here to entertain myself and those around me. If you come here and find a laugh or a turn of phrase that you like, enjoy it. If not, there are a million million other things you could be doing right now, and you have my permission to do one of them. If you own an SUV, I would suggest I might suggest taking a class, getting a South American pen pal or sitting down with a good book?

Anywho – Happy Holidays everyone!

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