Maniacal Ventures

The Donald – Show Me The Failure!

“Why does the GOP like the Donald?”, I began to wonder after seeing his grimacing visage plastered on every damn web page and TV screen I’ve passed by for weeks. He looks like what would come out of the transporter from “The Fly” if William Shatner, a crested Shih-Tzu and Charlie Sheen after a two week meth-bender were put in the other end. He’s brash and arrogant, a failed businessman who had had to file for bankruptcy three times for his companies. The only reason he has any money to begin with is that his father built half of the buildings in New York.

Then it hit me.

He’s perfect. He’s white underneath that orange glow and the rabid badger that sleeps on his head. He’s never had to work a day in his life, coming from inherited wealth, so he isn’t tainted with the stench of poverty. He’s incompetent and has been buried under debt for so long that he’s easy to buy and is comfortable being owned. On top of that, is seems that all you need to do (on top of being born white or rich or incompetent) is to make such an incredible ass of yourself on television on a regular basis and you’re a shoe in for the candidacy.

This is the party of Palin, a woman who reads every magazine printed yet had to use crib notes written on her hand to remember the words “Energy,” “Budget Tax cuts” and “Lift Americans Spirits”. Really? We’re going to trust you with the Big Red Button but we can’t expect you to remember 7 fucking words while speaking in front of the National Tea Party Convention? While, at the same time, ripping on the President for using a teleprompter? Come on. This is the kind of shit I want to see in an Ivan Reitman movie, not national politics.

This is party of Bachmann, a woman who wants to hold the highest political office yet who thinks that the Founding Fathers abolished all slavery, bigotry and class distinctions. I’m sure that would have been good news for the slaves that the Founding Fathers owned. If only they had advertised it better, we could have avoided that whole Civil War thing about 80 years later.

We’ve got Mike Huckabee, a zealot who has been recorded saying he wants America’s teens to be indoctrinated at gunpoint.

I could go on, but why bother – and why make me look any less misogynistic?

This is a party who keeps getting investigated and indicted for breaking campaign finance laws. This is a party who lies, outright, to get people on their side (I’m looking at you Mitt ‘The Hunter’ Romney). Who preform a sort of reverse Robin Hood and take more and more away from the needy to give to those who already have more than enough.

When will they just admit that they are the bad guys? Just put on the Storm Trooper helmets or the bright red armbands and stop the pretense that you are trying to help anyone or anything other than your portfolio.

If the Republicans and their wacky friends in the Tea Party would just come out and say, “We’re bigots and we want black people to be poor and go to shitty schools and we want to give their money to rich white business owners for them to sit on and drive an even bigger wedge between the haves and have-nots”, I would be cool with that. Finally, some truth in the party! Watching the Republicans campaign is like trying to sit through the Star Wars prequels. The whole time they’re doing this fumbling, Three Stooges routine to try and amass power without letting on that they are greedy little slaves to a small group of evil masters. But to the audience, it’s obvious. In Star Wars, if your name if Grievous or Maul or you look like Pope Benedict, chances are you’re the bad guy. In the real world, if you have to constantly lie, cheat and steal to get power, you’re probably the bad guy.

Which brings us back to Trump. I see someone who was born into wealth and whose greed is only surpassed by ineptitude. He didn’t want to help anyone but himself and he still ended up under crushing debt while the people who trusted in him lost millions and millions of dollars. His own failed businesses were built on the backs of investors who lost their money trusting in his business acumen while it seems his only successes as of late are the licensing fees he makes from letting his sons use his name on their own projects. Why would we trust him with taxpayer money, then? You wouldn’t let an chronic alcoholic run the bar by themself, would you? You wouldn’t let a molester run a Day Care, would you? You wouldn’t let a failure who was given a baseball team and an oil company and ran both into the ground run the country would you?

Oh wait. This starts to make a little more sense, now. The Secret Evil Masters of the Republicans are hiding in their bunkers à la Dr. Strangelove. They hate the poor. Since most of our country is poor, by their own rules they would have to hate our country. Since the only way to alleviate this problem is to kill all the poor, they want to put the worst, most greedy, untalented, idiotic and incompetent people in office. They want to destroy the lower class under the weight of a higher tax burden and less public assistant while doing what they can to destroy jobs and unions. They want to remove health care so the sick can’t afford treatment and make teaching such an underpaid and horrible profession outside of private schools that only the wealthy can afford a decent education. Soon, the entire lower class in this country will either starve or move. Only then will these Evil Masters emerge from their bunkers, their beady, bloodshot eyes blinking in the harsh and unforgiving sunlight, their sweat and Scotch-stained cloaks trailing behind them like dusty bat-wings. They will raise their gnarled fists to the sky and screech in triumph. “Let the rebuilding begin”, they will shriek in inhuman screeches.

Only, where will you find the slaves to move the stones?

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